Fraunk Saves Easter
by scifigeekgirl
Summary: One shot set in my Time, Eternals and the Domestic Life verse post The Eternal Adventure and Marriage & Zombies - Jackie is hosting the annual Easter Egg hunt when the alien bunnies arrive.  These bunnies may not be friendly.


a/n: You should read The Eternal Adventure first but it's not entirely necessary. Fraunk was introduced in the Eternal Adventure in Chapt 26 as the wedding planner. He was also in Chapts 31 and 36 as well as has a prominent part in Marriage & Zombies. Fraunk was based upon the character of the same name in the movie "Father of the Bride." He speaks with a very odd and pronounced accent. Thanks to my Dalekian Sistahs for help regarding what this should be rated.

Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from Doctor Who or Fraunk or any bits of dialog borrowed from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

The Doctor and Rose huddled together by the window in the sitting room at the Tyler mansion staring out at the front lawn covered in fluffy, white, black, brown and spotted, floppy eared adorable bunnies all nibbling away at the grass looking serene and innocent. Rose looked over at the Doctor. "You sure 'bout this? I mean, they all look so cute and harmless."

The Doctor stared at Rose as if she had lost her mind. "Cute? They are anything but cute. I'm telling you Rose, we go out there and it'll be us versus an evil bunny army. It'll be floppy bunnies ripping our ears off with blood and death every where!" he said, now tugging at his hair in agitation.

Jake and Pete walked up behind them and stared in disbelief at the Doctor. "Doctor, no offence, but are you sure about this? It is a different universe and maybe they're just rabbits. It is Easter you know," Pete said, looking out the window at the bunnies munching on his lawn and winced.

"Pete, I'm sure," the Doctor said, before whipping around to stare back out the window to glare at the bunnies.

Rose just looked at him in disbelief. Jackie soon walked up beside Rose, dressed in a pretty pink Easter dress. "Is himself still babbling on about killer bunnies?" she asked, glaring at the Doctor.

"Yeah," Rose answered, looking out at the bunnies trying to see if they looked aggressive.

Jackie snorted. "I'm not believin' this. Years we've been havin' the annual Easter Egg hunt here and nothin' like this has ever happened. Now all of a sudden, it's alien killer bunnies and the Easter of Doom. This is all your fault!" Jackie said, staring at the Doctor.

"What?" he answered, looking back at her. "It is not! I mean it's not like I invited the evil bunny army to invade your little Easter picnic," he answered indignantly.

"Oh yeah, and they just happen to show up your first real Easter here," Jackie said, hands on hips, eyes narrowing at him. Jackie then turned to Rose. "Is this why you swanned off to India last Easter? To avoid the bloomin' man eatin' rabbits that want to eat himself here?"

"Oi! I told you it's not me! I'm sure they'd love to have a little aperitif of Jackie Tyler," the Doctor snarked.

"Mum, it's not the Doctor's fault. He says it's some type of migration. It's happened before. Mandy even found some references to it in the Torchwood archives."

"That's right, Jackie!" the Doctor affirmed and pulled out his brainy specs. "Mandy found an old legend referring to a village that was found massacred. The few survivors were thought mad talking about demons masquerading as some innocent looking forest creatures. The fields near the village were ravaged, the crops gone as if consumed. Of course, the primitive people blamed the devil and decided the place was cursed."

"Are you tellin' me that our house is built over some cursed village where hundreds of people were murdered by bunnies?" Jackie asked, not quite believing she was hearing this.

"Not just bunnies, Jackie. These are vicious leporidus from the planet Fuzzwuzz."

"Fuzzwuzz! You made that up!" Jackie accused.

Jake snorted. "We're bein held hostage by Fluffy the Terrible!" He looked out at the bunnies and swore they looked at him with malicious little beady eyes. He took a step back. "Figures. Can't have a bloody holiday with you people without alien invasions, zombies, or man eatin' bunnies."

"Not bunnies! Leporidus," the Doctor insisted. "If we just wait out their spawning cycle, we should be okay. It shouldn't take more than a day and then they'll be gone."

"With every living thing in my yard," Pete murmured, shaking his head morning his perfect lawn.

Fraunk, who had planned the Easter festivities flounced in. "Boonies," he said. "Oh thas ess fairy fastive. Although, ess a beet too much I thank. Porhops a few lass of the boonies, yas?" he asked, looking at everyone, oblivious to the threat sitting innocently outside.

"We didn't order the bunnies, Fraunk. They just showed up. Probably due to himself here. He says they're here to eat us," Jackie said, glaring at the Doctor.

Fraunk's eyebrows shot up. "So sorry, maybe Fraunk hard wrong. The boonies are hare to ate us?"

"That's what the lady said," Jake said, now nervously pacing.

"Oh dar. That ess not goot far the fastivities. No, no, no. Fraunk ess not hoppy." Fraunk then pulled out his phone and began looking up exterminator services and walked away.

"Pete, we have to stop 'im. We can't let anyone get hurt," Rose pleaded, rubbing her very small baby bump nervously.

By this time, a Torchwood SUV had rolled up. "Reinforcements," Pete assured Rose.

"Reinforcements! Are you mad?" the Doctor shouted, tugging at his hair.

Pete straightened and in his best Torchwood leader voice said, "We're Torchwood and we're trained to deal with these things. My people are the best and they will take every precaution to solve this. Let them do their job." Pete then turned to the window and pulled out his mobile putting it on speaker mode and giving orders to his people to use caution.

The response was hysterical laughter and then, "Um sorry, sir. It's just they're bunny rabbits and it's Easter."

"I know that," Pete responded in a clipped authoritative voice. "We have reason to believe they're aliens and vicious."

More laughter aired. "Yes, sir. We'll take care of Flopsy and gang. Right boys?" the agent shouted out to the agents in the vehicle. They all shouted out "Right! Let's go make some rabbit stew!"

The Doctor was horrified. Not only by the agents going to their doom but that they wanted to eat their adversaries. He looked over at Rose with disapproval. Rose just shrugged her shoulders.

He grabbed the mobile from Pete who glared at him. "Now listen up. I'm warning you that these are not the innocent creatures you think them. This is not Peter Rabbit come to leave you all sweets. These creatures have a vicious streak a mile wide! They are killers!"

"Doctor, with all due respect, we're bigger than them and well armed." Another voice shouted, "What are they gonna do, nibble are ankles off!" The agent in charge got back on the line "Doctor, I don't think this is gonna be a problem. You lot just stay inside and me the boys here will get rid of the fluffy menace for you," he responded laughing.

The Doctor looked livid. "I'm asking you once more not to do this. Those rabbits are the most foul, cruel and bad tempered rodents you've ever set eyes on! They have sharp teeth and can leap up into the air farther than you can imagine. You go out there and it will be a blood bath!"

The Torchwood agents ignored him and got out of the car laughing. One of them walked up to the rabbits and nudged one with his boot. The rabbit looked up at him and wiggled it's nose. He laughed, bent down and grabbed it by it's long ears, holding it up and grinning so everyone could see. All the rabbits stopped and turned toward him simultaneously. The rabbit he was holding stopped moving and it's little beady eyes turned hatefully toward him.

Suddenly, the agent lost his grip as the angry rabbit lunged for his throat. Everyone watching inside the house gasped and winced as the bunnies leapt through the air attacking the startled and unprepared agents. A few gun shots sounded but for the most part, it was the agents screams that filled the air as they were overrun by the killer bunnies. Desperate to escape the bunny onslaught, the agents took off running with blood covered rabbits hanging off of them still chewing on the poor sods as they ran away. Several of the remaining bunny hoard hopped after the agents, following them into the woods.

The Doctor shoved the phone at Pete violently. "I warned you," was all he said before he turned to pace the other side of the room. Pete stared at the phone and then looked out to see the rabbits were now whipped up into a frenzy and were marching on the house.

Jake backed away. "Bloody hell, the bunnies are coming!" Then he stopped and scratched his head as he realized what he just said.

Fraunk reappeared and stared at the blood spattered bunnies. "Oh dar, the boonies do not appar hoppy. Do not fret, Fraunk hass called for halp."

Everyone groaned and Rose looked worried. She walked over to Fraunk. "Fraunk, I don't think you realize how bad this is. These aren't normal Earth rabbits. They're carnivorous and a bit cross with us at the moment," she explained and looked out the window at the advancing bunny hoard.

Frank smiled at her and patted her hand. "Do not worry my dar leetle mauther to bay. Fraunk ess hare to make it all fabolous!"

The Doctor stopped his pacing and hair tugging and stared at Fraunk. Rose looked at Fraunk thinking he didn't fully comprehend the severity of their situation. A thumping noise sounded. "Shit," Jake said backing further into the room.

"Everyone upstairs now! Where are the kids?" Pete shouted.

"Upstairs playing video games with Mrs. Haley," Jackie said, looking nervously at the front door where scratching and thumping noises could be heard. Jake shouted a curse.

"The window!" Pete said and they could see several rabbits looking at them, their little noises wiggling a mile a minute and their beady eyes looking in at their next prey.

"They've got a taste for us now," the Doctor said. "Pete's right, we need to get upstairs."

Everyone dashed up the stairs, including Fraunk, who had rounded up the rest of the adult guests who had been having tea in another room. They broke into groups and locked themselves into various rooms. Fraunk, ever so prepared, had the rooms stocked with food that was intended for the Easter picnic. The Doctor, Rose and Jake ended up with Fraunk in a guest bedroom that overlooked the front of the house giving them a vantage point to watch the oncoming bunny hoard assault the house.

The Doctor peered down and saw the bunnies pushing against the window and soon heard it shatter as well as the door splinter. "This is a bit not good," he murmured. He heard a thud in the room and spun around to see Jake making a spear out of a coat rack.

"What do you think you're going to do with that?" The Doctor asked as he watched Jake pull out a knife and sharpen one end of the coat rack.

Jake looked up at him. "I've faced Cyberman, Daleks, saber toothed rats, dragons and bloody zombies! I'll be damned if I'm gonna bet taken out by a bunch of fluffy killer bunnies on Easter!" he practically shouted and went back to work on his spear.

Fraunk walked over, picked up a plate and offered everyone sandwiches and tea.

The Doctor looked at him, his face contorted in confusion. He walked over to Rose who was staring out the window, and leaned in close to her. "I think Fraunk has finally cracked," he whispered.

Rose turned and looked at Fraunk who gleefully brought a plate over to her. "Come now my loafly mauthar to bay, you must ate for the baybay! Do not fret over the boony invasion. Fraunk hass oranged for a rescue," Fraunk promised her as he shoved the plate toward her.

Rose nodded warily and took a sandwich to make him happy. He moved on over toward Jake. She looked at the sandwich and winced. "Doctor, if you don't take this nasty thing away from my, I'm gonna vomit right here and now," she said, looking a little green.

The Doctor, quite familiar with Rose's finicky pregnancy palate and sensitive olfactory sense, immediately wolfed down the sandwich. Rose stared at him in disgust.

"What?" he said, his mouth still full. "You said to get rid of it."

Rose walked away from him shaking her head with her hand over her mouth.

They all looked at each other as banging and clanging noises could be heard from downstairs. It was an unspoken acknowledgment that the bunnies would soon be making their death hop up the stairs to find their human victims. Rose walked over to the Doctor and curled up to him.

Jake lifted up his spear and stared at the door. Soon, they heard the thud, thud, thud of a helicopter. Fraunk's face lit up. "See, Fraunk's halp hass arrived!" Fraunk then dashed to the window.

Rose and the Doctor looked at each other and then followed him. A couple of black Torchwood helicopters were hovering nearby with nets hanging beneath them filled with some orange material. Soon, the nets released their cargo.

The Doctor stared in disbelief and then started grinning. Rose couldn't believe it. She turned toward Fraunk who was grinning madly and then the Doctor. "Doctor, are those…those carrots?" Rose asked in disbelief.

"Yep, I believe they are," he said, rocking back on his heels and looking over at Fraunk with a pleased expression.

"And, the bunnies are going to leave us be to go eat the carrots?" Rose asked, not quite believing it.

"Well of course they are. Carrots are like bunny aphrodisiac."

"Bunny aphrodisiac. You're kiddin' right?" Rose asked, starting to smile at the insanity of it all.

"Oh no, you see carrots are very rare on Fuzzwuzz which is why the leporidus migrate to other worlds to spawn. Carrots put them, you know, in the mood," the Doctor explained with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

Rose raised an eyebrow and then smiled back at him. "Soooo, you're sayin' once the bunnies get their fill of carrots they're gonna have something else on their mind besides eatin us?"

"Oh yes!" the Doctor said grinning. Rose burst out into a brilliant smile and looked over Fraunk who was on his mobile.

"Thank you my dahling!" Fraunk said and ended his call. He walked over to the window and watched the bunnies racing over to the two large piles of carrots in the field next to the Tyler mansion. The helicopters moved to a discreet distance. One moved over the house and there was a thud on the roof and a black cord dropped in front of the window, soon followed by one Jack Harkness dressed in a Torchwood uniform and wearing an earpiece.

He winked at them and pointed to the window. The Doctor turned to Rose. "Do we have to?"

"Doctor," Rose warned. He signed and opened the window helping Jack crawl inside.

"Fabolous Yack! Fraunk knew you would take car off the killer boonies!" Fraunk said and ran over to hug Jack.

"Fraunk, you called Jack?" Rose asked.

Fraunk turned to her after kissing Jack on both cheeks. "Yas my beautiful mauther to bay! Fraunk knows that the loafly Yak ess a hero! Hay con safe us from any threat."

Jack of course just grinned looking pleased.

Jake shook his head. "The bloody posh party planner saved us."

Rose smiled and walked over to hug Jack. "Thanks Jack. Any word on the team that was attacked?"

Jack's smile faded. "Yeah, we found them in bad shape and they're on their way to Torchwood medical. They'll live, but they may never look at rabbits the same way again. I really wish Pete woulda called me. I could've stopped them from going off half cocked," Jack explained.

"Yeah, well the Doctor tried to tell 'em. They just wouldn't listen," Rose explained, shaking her head at the teams foolishness.

Jack turned to the Doctor knowing that he must have watched the attack. "I'm sorry Doc. That must have been horrible to see."

The Doctor nodded. "How'd you figure out the carrots?"

"Oh easy! I've seen the leporidus before. The planet Almafi is a favorite of theirs and the local population have a whole festival around their return. The festival culminates with this giant furry ball of bunny lovin," Jack explained. "Alamfians serve carrot everything at the festival since it's what gets the leporidus love juice flowing."

Rose started giggling. The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised. Only you would know that."

Jack grinned. "Hey, it's all about makin' love not bunny war!"

Rose looked out the window and whispered. "Will you look at them bunnies goin at it. Don't think we'll be needin to worry 'bout bunny apocalypse anymore. There a bit busy now and with the way they're goin' at it, they'll be too tired to eat anyone!"

The Doctor, Jake, Fraunk and Jack joined her at the window and stared in amazement at the undulating ball of fur before them. After a while Jake whispered, "You'd think they'd need a break but they just keep going and going," he said in awe."

Jackie burst into the room startlingly them. The lot of them looked slightly embarrassed. "What the bloody hell are you doing!" Jackie demanded. "Have you seen the state of my house? Do you know what those filthy rabbits did downstairs?" she continued and walked over to the window. Rose's eyes widened and she knew he should try and stop what Jackie was about to see but the Doctor just wrapped his arms around her, almost in fear.

Jackie stared at the window before shouting. "Oh my Gawd! There's bunnies and they're doin … they're doin each other!" she shouted in shock.

Tony ran up to her and looked out the window. He looked innocently up at Jackie. "Mummy why are the bunnies fighting each other."

"Oh, they're not fighting," Jack said smirking.

Jackie shot him and evil look and then wrapped her hands around Tony's innocent eyes. "Don't just stand here! Do something! We can't have an Easter Egg hunt with that goin' on!" she shouted..

Pete came into the room and his eyes were drawn to the window and the bunny spectacle. "Oh," he said.

"Oh! I'll give you Oh, Peter Tyler. You're the head of Torchwood! Do something about that!" she ordered and then took Tony out of the room muttering about pervert bunnies and useless Torchwood.

Fraunk soon made his way after Jackie in an attempt to salvage the Easter picnic. He paused at the door and blew Jack a kiss. Jack grinned back at him.

Pete, Rose, the Doctor, Jack and Jake stood transfixed at the window. "So, how long will this go on?" asked Pete.

"Hours," the Doctor responded, still watching the bunnies in the midst of their love fest.

Pete sighed. "And we can't…"

"No," Jack and the Doctor said simultaneously.

"That's what I thought," Pete said. "I suppose when they're done they'll just leave?"

"Yep," the Doctor said.

"The Doc's right. They disappear pretty quickly after they're done. I'd just quarantine the area until the bunny love fest is over. You know, for safety reasons."

"Riiiiight," Pete acknowledged.

"Mum could still have the Easter Egg hunt in the back garden couldn't she?" The men turned and stared at her. "Well, I mean as long as we have Torchwood agents nearby to stop any bunnies who get a bit lost and separated from all that," Rose said, waving her hand toward the mass of bunny love.

"It should be all right," Jack said nodding his head. "Why don't I round up some agents and get the quarantine in the works?" Jack asked Pete who nodded and told him to make it quick. Jack pulled out his mobile and left the room giving orders to his team.

The Doctor grinned brightly and squeezed Rose. "Well, this will certainly be an Easter to tell our offspring about won't it!" he said enthusiastically.

Jake rolled his eyes and muttered "nutter" and made his way from the room. Pete just looked at the Doctor, shook his head and left.

Rose grinned up at him and snuggled into his arms. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a foil wrapped chocolate candy Easter Egg and handed to the Doctor. "Happy Easter, Doctor."

He grinned brightly and looked at the egg and then gently kissed Rose on the temple. "Happy Easter, Rose. Umm I guess now would not be a good time to give you that chocolate bunny?"

Rose looked up and glared at him but shook her head. "This would only happen with her Doctor."


End file.
